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June 22 Curse Of Doom Not sure what inspired me to write this yesterday afternoon with a brain lack of sleep. Vibrant world brought me a colorful heart, joy of abstract as beautiful as art. I did and fell for a lady so pure, her permission she gave but took my cure. Like a witch she cast a curse upon me, restless in pain & agony I plea. In darkness bound by chains of my nightmare, still not a sound nor sign of love or care. My world she stops with her unending doom, I feel no light, no air, no flowers bloom. The best in me is lost in her blank page, Bitter heart of mine breaks with mix of rage. Blinded by this curse will I not submit, Pit of doom will I not let death meet. Twice my heart broke on this journey with you, Free from chains but still my heart misses you. April 03 Rainbow - A reason for tomorrow.A little something I've stir up beginning of this week. I was having a pretty bad day and nothing seems to be going my way. But this dear girl cheer me up and gave me a very beautiful reason to see the light of day again. Bitter days be gone, my heart she has won. Rainbow she put on, my days not alone. Wait she did and ask, patient for I must. Rainbow she will cast, all my sorrows blast. Hope I lost but found, live loud I will sound. Rainbow is around, the days with you count. Love it is or not, truth be told or bought. Rainbow I have caught, my life now is sort. "You have a way, a way with me girl." March 31 10 Years - A Dedication By James to NalediHere's a little something I wrote last Friday evening. It's an inspiring dedication for Naledi. 10 Years 10 years you have walk, alone and pitch black. Answers kept and lock, still no turning back. 10 years in this pain, can this love be real. Dark skies fill with rain, still His words with you. 10 years on this path, valleys with no top. Your face shines and laugh, still praying with hope. 10 years kept in heart, you shall let it end. Strongest chains be cut, your prayers not vain. March 10 What Teachers Should Have Said Teachers should have just gave us the big picture instead of squirming around the pool trying to teach us how to swim. Isn't it easier to tell us why we need to swim instead of forcing us to swim. Why do I say that? Simple - parents, teachers all expect us to have good results but they've never throw us the big picture how important this is. Now, those of you who are still in high school take a read at this and take some serious consideration. "If you wanna go overseas one day to work or study and you know that your family cannot support you then you need to study hard for scholarship but if your family is rich enough then a zero in your report card means nothing." November 03 Global Gathering 2007 : Piglets In RaveGlobal Gathering is a rave event mainly organize in Europe most of the time. But this year they think otherwise because they've chosen to come Asia. What's better? They are coming to M'sia's A'Famosa. It has been awhile since I gotten into big raves and seriously have fun. So on a last minute planning basis I just grab body and off I go to Malacca. Global Gathering also prepare some Xtreme sports for us like G-force X, Giant Swing, Bungee Jump and Zorb. Wanted to try it out but after eating something, it's definitely not recommended to provoke yourself to puke. There's 6 arenas for you to choose from. Global, God's Kitchen, Freedom Electric, Freedom, Foambar, Solid Gold. Global with nice dance music suitable for everyone. God's Kitchen featuring all sort of trance. Freedom Electric featuring live bands with new age dance music. Freedom is an arena where you get to hear famous dance songs being mixed. Foambar is for the wild and sexy bikinis rubbing each other in foam. Solid Gold is retro with roller-skates! Oct 27, event starts at 2pm but who in the right mind in M'sia's weather would dance 2pm in the afternoon? So the party didn't exactly start till 9pm at night. Everyone was there for God's Kitchen's performance. 8pm Fono started the music and people started to flock in. By the way, I forgotten to mention that the whole place is muddy and watery, hence why I put the title 'Piglets In Rave'. The bad thing about the sand is that it produces this awful smell equivalent what most would say cow dung. That didn't stop the party though. After Fono did a great transition and pass it on to Sander Van Doorn at 9pm. The party went out of hand and everyone is gathered around God's Kitchen to dance. Despite the awful smell and icky muddy feeling around your bare feet or shoe or slippers or sandals, everyone just continue indulging the mud like piglets taking a mud bath. It's all good! I spent most of my time in God's Kitchen arena simply because their song is like magnet. I danced till my body ask me to take a rest but the music kept my feet going on. I dance a little in Foambar and Global. Global plays pretty nice tracks and I saw some foreigner frustrated because her boobs got grab when the foam gush out. Oh well... The super highlight for me would be Johan Gielen the DJ from God's Kitchen. He has got awesome skills and great crowd contact. He even lower down the volume for us to shout along with the beat that was started by me. Ahh.. yes that's priceless! Another crazy highlight would be the random after party we ended up at. 'Ang mo's' from UK teaching in Thailand high on drugs and still partying on after the event ends at 4am. That's not whacked. What's whacked is that some random party people came by again and out of no where asked to borrow a room for her mother-in-law to sleep. Nothing can be more whacked than that man! Of course not forgetting the people I partied with there. The bunch of Mirians who flew down just for it. Those who came down from Singapore. My buddies from KL. "Work hard, play harder!" October 01 So Much Love In The Air, Makes Me Wanna...I had a wonderful weekend last week. My friend, cell leader, Angela Looh invited me to witness her wedding ceremony. Angela a girl with outstanding leadership qualities, the girl I'm sure that will be a great wife and mom is tying her knot. The very moment I heard about the great news, it naturally brought this wonderful feeling of joy to my heart. I had a late night but still I wouldn't wanna miss this out. So there I was Saturday morning sitting in the church hall. It's wonderful to be in church every time. It gives me this soothing feeling that is infinitely blissful. I was a little late so I didn't get to see the bride and bridegroom march in the hall. Would've been a sight to be awe at but too bad I missed it. Sitting patiently waiting to take a glance at the beautiful bride and the lucky man she chose I realize that there's a different love that fills the air that I'm breathing. After the short speech gave by pastor Julie, it's time for the lucky couple to exchange vows and wedding rings and best of all, kisses! But what caught me the most is when they say 'I do'. There is so much love in the air that makes me wanna say 'I do' to someone else. God... show me that 'someone else'. September 17 21 Fun Things We've Forgotten While Growing Up
July 10 The 'wow' FactorTo some of my friends who knows I've been playing a game called World of Warcraft by Blizzard, this 'wow' factor isn't related to the awesome game. This 'wow' factor I would like to talk about today is related to human. Nope... not about chick's 'wow' factor. This 'wow' factor is something really grand that I think everyone in this world should take a moment to embrace it. Humans are animals that naturally coexist with one another. We tend to share more than just objects in life. We also share feelings, emotion, events and many more. When was the last time you've got great news and decided to buy your friends beer, or how about that time when you cried over your friends shoulder over something dreadful? These are the 'wow' factors that I want to talk about. I'm sure everyone would feel honoured when your friends call you out for a dinner celebration over something that is joyous to him/her. Isn't it just wow to have been invited and be part of the party? Yeah you might be busy with your own stuff but hardly anyone ever turns down a joyous event. You'll just nonchalantly cancel whatever was on the schedule and say "What the heck, I need a break." Cheers!!! But... what if your friend called you up when they are at their worst point of their life? They don't sound happy, maybe you even heard a whisper of their cry. What would you do? Whoa... I've been enough shit for the day and I ain't gonna keep up with more shit now? Wrong! When your friend actually seek you up for help at their lowest point you should be even happier and have that exact same WOW factor except only in capitals! Why the WOW you may ask? Your friend being at the worst state is not afraid to show themselves in their true colours. And seeking you is just amazing to know that you mean more than just a simple friend to them. Share a tear or two with them... put them back on their feet. Treasure them as much as they treasure you to tell you their sour moments. You'll be surprised how much your little time can affect a big portion of their life. Humans are superficial beings. Be true starting from today and treasure everyone who is still around us. "Seek for happiness infinitely." June 28 Six & a Half Years not Five & a Half!This is mainly to clear up the misleading number I gave out about me being single. Scroll down for full story. June 20 Relic Of Life*Ding*... *click*... This particular MSN pop up has never failed to bring a smile on my face. I call that the relic of my life. I believe that in life there is a relic for everyone. What is this relic that I'm referring to? My kind of relic is that particular someone that will unconditionally at any given point of time put a soothing serene smile on your face. This relic has caught part of my heart ever since she was first introduced by my neighbour. Actually I'm sure she has captured more than just my heart. Lots of people has got a crush on her. This happened way back in my primary school years. Growing up and getting to know her better has further proof that she's definitely a girl to die for. But due to certain reasons I never make a move on her. Can't say I regret for not doing so because I believe it has turn out to be for a better cause. She's quite a witty one. Just by talking to her in person or online has never failed to entertain me. We both play with words well... it's like a battle when we talk. We openly discuss just about anything under the sun which even makes our conversation even more intriguing. Just recently, we had a great chat. A long long chat... reasons mainly due to the cause that I've got something that I wanted to tell her but decided not to after I took a piss break. She couldn't understand why and kept pestering me to tell. She even offer to make me feel better so that I'll spill it out. Hah! Fat chance... I ain't sinking down that easily! I told her that I'm gonna hold on to this till I see her in person then I'll tell her. Reason is because it's really an epic thing for her to know about it, so nope... not gonna tell her till we get to see each other. Oh.. added an expiry date on that so I will have to tell her in 3 years time even though we don't get to see each other in person. But I'll make sure I get to see her in person even though that means that I'll have to get tickets for her to fly or vice-versa. In exchange I told her something else which makes me felt good letting it off my chest after all these while. I'm sure it did gave her justice on her counterpart too. "Everyone has got a relic in their life." June 15 Turn left - Happiness!It hurts me to know that my friends are lack of choices. More often I see them as special relics in my heart. So many endless wonders to be explore and unleash. But sometimes the environment has limited their abilities and space to shine. I'm referring to lots of aspects. Be it work, talents or love. I'll take a story of love for this example. Pretty girl A is pretty. (Doh!) Jerk dude A and Dumb dude B is going for Pretty girl A. Hunk dude C is out of the picture. Pretty girl A chose Dumb dude B. Pretty girl A didn't know that she has got choice to say no to both and hope for Hunk dude C. Pretty girl A suffers. Sad stories repeats itself on different counterparts. "You chose your happiness to be a myth." June 14 Like A Sissy!Talked to a friend about me being such a thinker. After a few sentences... "James, stop thinking like a girl!" BAM!!! Oh yeah that hits like a truck in my face! I ain't got nothing to loose.. why should I think like a girl? The questions and scenario that I often play in my head is so unnecessary! Thanks! June 11 5½ Years5½ years I've been single. Some might say I'm bullshitting here but the word is out and there simply ain't no benefit for me lying about this matter. Why? How? Trust me, those are the exact same questions I'm asking myself. And I remember I've always answered that I simply wasn't looking for one, rejected a few relationships here and there, can't even take of myself well why would I want to get myself more trouble, has got wonderful friends to stand by with, too much choices? Ha ha... indeed those are the few factors why I was single for 5½ years. The series of fortunate events recently has certainly got me thinking a lot. The thinking has burn down to another conclusion I've made up 2 days ago. I'm afraid to love. Whoa! Afraid to love? Nothing from the last breakup hurt me badly that I couldn't recover, don't worry, I'm not a fragile piece of crap. So instead I think I've been thinking too much. When I think there's a possibility to start a relationship, I would push myself to see the future with her by my side. It's like this amazing imagination of both our lives playing like a series of movie till the end of the day. Through out the movie there will be lots of played events with the both of our emotion involves, family background, wedding day, kids, growing old... yes, I'm one hell of a dreamer. Upon ending the movie with the scrolling credits, I would then evaluate how fair we turn out as a couple. Chances are not to good and I believe that I can find someone who is more compatible. Oh hell, I can't go on any further with that story because I know I'm thinking too much and how would anyone in this blardy world knows what is gonna happen without me trying it out except for God Himself? There ain't no perfect woman and I ain't flawless too. Few of my friends has already further imply that I should cherish what I can and make the best out of it. So listening to this clearly tells me that I should start breaking out of this protective imaginary invisible shield that fends off love and just go ahead with what I felt right at that particular moment? Now that will bring justice to my own conclusion to prove that I'm not afraid to love! "The greatest thing in this world is to love and be loved in return - Moulin Rouge" June 08 Four Days IIIFour days again huh. What could happen in this four days part III? (For those who do not know how significant 'four days' meant in my life do check back for them.) Writing this timeline of my life has proved to be harder to put them down in words. The massive changes and significance it brings to my life is beyond words itself. Above all happiness and joy it has brought me there's just too much events that made me can't stop thinking about what I want in the future. I maybe thinking too much... No... I am thinking too much. Had a talk with a friend on that matter and admitly I do think too much. And all these thinking is making me going crazy. I've always believe that thinking is good as long as they prove to improve and upgrade our life. So what are these thinking that is making me crazy? The things I thought about ranged from all aspects of my life. Career, family, love... but the million dollar question is 'Will she be the one I want to marry." Hah, James you can't be serious right? I'm not sure really, I'm too young to even start thinking about it. Plus my speculated age to get married is 28 and above but recently I kinda push it to 30 and above. Truth is I'm not sure but it has been spinning in my head ever since so it has to be a lil bit serious? Ahh, you might be 'cut the crap James, who is this girl!' Too bad I ain't spilling anything. Those who knows can guess and you most probably will be right. She is no doubt the kind of girl that would make a guy go 'What more can you ask for from her?' "Vague future with a determined heart." May 10 Paint Colours Into Your RainbowColours is really a wonderful thing if you actually stop by and notice them. Take a look around you... How the vibrant skies choose their colours and mood to suit the ever changing face of the earth. Look into the horizon, notice the soothing shades of green that lies atop of each other dancing in the wind. Spin around, take some time to be amazed by the ever changing colours of the streets. Painting colours to a rainbow? Weird as it seems huh... Did you know that humans were only able to identify 4 colours out of the rainbow way back in the stone age? It's either our eyes actually evolved or I guess they just decided to add more shades of colour names into their colour wheel. Hence we have 7 shades of colour in a rainbow known today. I bet you can't even state the colours of the rainbow now in order! Here you go: Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. So back to the main question. Why paint colours that are already there to a rainbow? I have a dear friend or should I say, I had a dear friend. I'm sitting here pondering and reading at the first line for quite sometime before I proceeed on writing. How did a dear friend turn sour so early? Ahh.. the series of unfortunate events and mistakes and somewhere along the line I did offended her without noticing. But hey, I was young and shallow back then! Hmm.. how did wonderful colours came about to link to this dear friend of mine? She's a great girl. Ever so caring and brilliant. So caring up to a point she sacrifices. This is where I don't find it noble. Giving up your colours of life and painting it for others. Humans being selfish is a bad trait but then we all have to be self-centered at some point. It's a dog eat dog world out there. While these teachings might be the perfect role model for everyone but do find a balance. Everyone deserves to be happy and it won't come till you want to pursue your own happiness. I have to admit that I was really happy for quite sometime too over some personal reasons but I'll live it through, I just have to start filling my own cup and stop running away. My dear, start painting colours into your rainbow. I think I know you well enough to say that I've not seen you really happy. You're always sour upon something you can just simply learn to 'let go'. May 08 Four Days IIDeny, ignore, run, neglect, abandon... Sad to say I've not been the usual self for quite sometime. A long time actually... I didn't ask for this but you know how fragile humans can be at times and they just can't get out of that diseased bubble. Looking away at the real world drenched and soak till the flesh rots and decay. As some of you might know, last month was my birhday month. It's a really bad day for my birthday to fall on a good friday. Everyone was litterally at the church from day till night and there ain't no party for me. So seeing how bad 2007 started till my birthday it really makes me wonder why am I still here. I have to say there isn't really much for me to look forward to except for the upcoming Jazz Festival this weekend. Hold me, thrill me, kiss me please. Gotta wake up from this reverie and taste the sun sweet berries of the earth again. Praying and hoping things we get better... God does always seem to send Angels to save me. I'm really thankful for His grace! A dear friend said she'll be dropping to visit me for a few days. She couldn't decide until she realize that she lost her ticket to another destination. (God's grace?) She's the other person that I'm really looking forward to meet up after decaying for so long. Although she spent only four days in Miri, I must say she made me stop running away from myself and started thinking of filling that unshattered cup of mine. I could've do it myself but I guess I was just weak, very weak. I could talk more about how interesting she is, like the wonderful chats at night, her short yoga lesson for me, the way she put on her make-ups, how she see things as they are, what she wants... I think a short glimpse for you all is enough. I'll shut here. Anymore than that would make me sound like I'm obsess with her. How ironic, I had the best 4 days of my life last year and I'm getting it just before my birthday month ends this year. Gotta love myself more! May 07 Kissing Is A ColourWhen was the last time you actually kissed someone? Maybe it be a sloppy French kiss or just a peck on the cheek. For those of you who are attached then it might be just few hours ago or something. If not, do it when you see him/her later. Colour... it comes in different tones and shades. Just like how kisses comes in different shapes and sizes... oh, different taste too! You must be thinking that I've most probably kissed a hell lot of people to actually come up with this topic. Well, I'm not sure how many is consider many but I think it's enough for me to say 'Kissing is a Colour'. I send out my kisses to all my dearies. Yes only to my dearies. I don't go around and plant my lips on someone elses cheek or lips for no reason. I think a peck on the cheek is just a sweet gesture to say hello, thank you, you're sweet, goodbye and et cetera. A kiss on the lips brings kissing to a whole different level. It can be both a simple gesture or a complicated one. Simple as in hi my love and bye my love, complicated as in you know I want you or an opener to a more erotic invitation. French kissing to me is stricly for make out purposes. If you don't mind how the viewers would judge you then go ahead. It's your love. Who do I kiss? My lovers of course. Or my dearies. Who are these dearies you might ask. They are the people who I think has made an impact in my life or a close friend since long time ago or just the next door neighbour who I have not seen in awhile. No intimate or French kisses for those who are not my lovers. That would render my lover just as cheap as my dearies. I had a series of both shocking and wonderful surprises last weekend. The wonderful one is someone caught me partying and she nonchalantly kissed me on my lips as we pass each other by. Shocking one would be seeing another girl getting kissed around by 3 guys. I believe it's French too! That is where I would draw the line damn thick. Kissing someone with nice etiquette is definitely a +1 for me but if I by any chance get kiss by the shocking girl I've said earlier. That's a -1 for me! Lastly, NO is the answer if you're thinking funny thoughts of putting a male in the position of who I consider my deary. May 05 A DreamI have this super weird dream last night. (This dream I'm referring to happen way back in November 2006, had it as a draft for all these while.) I found myself wandering around Mid Valley just like any other normal day but what is so weird about this dream is that Mid Valley has got an airport attached to it. Even better.. I'm on a flight back to Miri in a few hours time. As usual Mid Valley is flocking with people and with the airport it's even more hectic. I just checked in at the counter.. I think it's somewhere near the GSC cinema area but the whole place is filled with very nice chrome objects and plus also all the usual airport stuff that you can find. I left my bags on a table. A table that looks a lot like a Mc D's one. I have a few friends with me at that moment too. Can only remember a few friends. We walked quite a bit around Mid Valley because my time to board isn't up yet. Caught up with a few more friends surprisingly.. it's like a big family.. even the people who I don't think will be seeing. (actually I don't really wanna see them) We all hang out and have a few drinks and laugh. Suddenly the time just zoom pass me till it's like 10 minutes before boarding. I was so panic I ran towards my luggage and I just couldn't find them anywhere. My heart was beating madly and I bet I looked stupid running around with my face on scary mode. I got so panic I just woke up. Realizing that the dream isn't just a dream. It's my life losing everything. May 04 Filling the CupCup of life, cup of love, cup of hopes, cup of career, cup of dreams... Where did my cup go? Do you have a cup? If you do, how does it look like? How big is it? Where you bought it? What do you fill it with most of the time? This is my cup. It's no ordinary coffee cup. There's more to it than what it seems. This is my cup. Sitting on that shelf. Avoiding the purpose of it's nature. This is my cup. Unshattered, Untouched. This is my cup. Empty and tasteless. Awaits dearly to be filled to the brim. This is my cup. Selected out of the rest. It will be served for the best of the best. This is my cup. Polished, Prepared. December 08 10 Things Harmful That Will Actually Improve Your Life?
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